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The Wisdom of Mordrok
1. Upon offering the people the opportunity to participate in his “AMA” (Ask Mordrok Anything), Mordrock did answereth the people’s incessant begging of him to shareth his infinite knowledge. gazing out into the crowd of starstruck onlookers, Mordrok spake unto them. ' ' 2. “Perhaps your arms are pink and spindly, barely strong enough to pick up the shovel with which to dig your own early grave, much less the sword with which to defend yourself from Mordrok's endless wrath. 3. Perhaps you are small and ugly, and having gazed upon Mordrok the Fearless' massive Blackrock Girth and the rest of his wicked armor, you wail silently to yourself "By all the idiotic deities I worship, Mordrok looks amazing and deadly in that outfit, like a handsome green Sith Lord!" 4. Some of these words do not make sense to you but they fill you with impotent jealous rage all the same. ' ' 5. PERHAPS YOU SEE MORDROK, THE LORD OF WAR, SITTING ATOP HIS THRONE OF SKULLS, WEARING HIS CROWN OF DIFFERENT, SMALLER SKULLS, GLARING AT YOU WITH UNBRIDLED MALICE AND BLOODLUST, AND YOUR VERY BOWELS QUIVER AND RELEASE IN TERROR, SUCH THAT THE LAST THING YOU FEEL BEFORE SUDDEN, SWIFT DEATH IS INCALCULABLE SHAME. ' ' 6. This AMA is for you.” ' ' 7. And lo, the infindels amongst the crowd did weap with joy, and began to cry out their pitiful questions in hopes of recieved enlightenment from the GENIUS OF WAR, “Which giant statue did you steal those axes from?” ' ' 8. And replieth Mighty Mordrok, “Mordrok's twin axes of destruction were handcrafted by the most muscular of Orcsmiths, using techniques since lost to the world, because Mordrok killed the smiths after the axes were complete.” ' ' 9. “How do you make such cheap armor look so freakishly awesome?” asked yet another sniveling whelp. ' ' 10. And the Avatar of Destruction did answereth, “Mordrok's perfect hunch projects just the right amount of menace with a hint of nobility. The armor is just window dressing.” ' ' 11. “Were you born that awesome or were you trained by someone that was awesome and then you ate their heart?” came the question from another peon. ' ' 12. And godly Mordrok did shout, “BOTH OF THESE THINGS ARE PARTIALLY TRUE” ' ' 13. “How can I be more like you?” asked an obviously delusional infidel. ' ' 14. And Mordrok the Great did speak unto them, “Ho ho ho, your inquisitive nature is a good start, but there is more to being a LORD OF WAR than a jolly disposition and huge biceps. It takes MANY YEARS of intense training, and often you will feel like you are banging your head against a stone wall with spikes on it. Which you should be, as that is part of the training.” ' ' 15. “As an Orc, are you happy with the current Horde leadership?”, came another insignificant query. ' ' 16. “Vol'jin is a decent fellow, though he lacks Hellscream's lust for power and Mordrok's GRASSROOTS SUPPORT. Mordrok gives him 7 skulls out of a possible 10.”, so sayeth Mordrok. ' ' 17. “If not, do you plan on attempting to take the title of 'Warchief' by force?”, was ridiculous followup question. ' ' 18. And POWER INCARNATE did replyeth, “The People's Warchief needs not a chair with spikes when he rides high on the glory of the Horde War Machine!” ' ' 19. “Why are you so short?”, came the obvious death wish of an ignorant, lesser mortal. ' ' 20. In his mercy, Mordrok spake unto him: “The weight of an entire Horde's HOPES and DREAMS of conquest and slaughter lie heavy upon the shoulders of this the People's Warchief, this may be what you are mistaking for lack of height.” ' ' 21. “How do you explain displaying that Dragonmaw tabard NOW THAT WARLORD ZAELA HAS TURNED AGAINST US?”, came another pointless assault upon Marvelous Mordrok’s ears. ' ' 22. And Mordrok did grant his infinite wisdom unto them, “That is not a Dragonmaw tabard, that is a Dragonmordrok tabard, though it may be difficult to see under Mordrok's powerul slouch.” ' ' 23. “How does an orc of your stature not allow fame and orc women get to your head?”, shouted a nameless lowly creature. ' ' 24. “Fame? Thick, violent women? A warchief cares not for these things.”, declared Mordrok the Most Holy. ' ' 25. “Coke or Pepsi?”, was the next display of mental deficiency. ' ' 26. “Those sound like Goblin soft drinks, of which Mordrok does not partake. The People's Warchief drinks only Blackrock Coffee, straight from the molten pot in which it is brewed.” Mighty Mordrok bellowed. ' ' 27. “When you cleave a face in twain, would you say your victims (the fluffy oven mitts grabbing the smoldering cauldron of your righteous fury) suffer greatly or merely significantly?” asked another among the rabble. ' ' 28. “HMMM this is an excellent question, you will perhaps be spared Mordrok's wrath for your uncanny ability to tickle his genius brain with your clever words. Mordrok would hazard to guess that his victims do not suffer AT ALL due to his killing expertise. In fact they are likely dead so quickly that their spirits do not have time to process the harm their body has received, leaving them to whisper in Mordrok's ear as though they were still alive.” granted Mordrok in his most graceful of ways. ' ' 29. “Why do you smell like yak feces?”, shouted an idiot. ' ' 30. “WHY DOES YOUR MOTHER SMELL LIKE MORDROK'S GIRTH?!”, Mordrok sneered in the most minor displayeth of his wrath. ' ' 31. “hwo coo lru”, stuttered an elven imbecile. ' ' 32. “Mordrok only speaks rudimentary Thalassian, but if he understands you correctly then no, you will not be spared.” so sayeth His Most Magnificent. ' ' 33. “MORDROK, do ye think dem puny little green arms can best a stout dwarf in 1 on 1 combat? I await yer answer stinky.” a bearded runt did dare to ask. ' ' 34. “IF YOU WANT TO ARM WRESTLE MORDROK YOU HAVE NAUGHT BUT TO ASK, FATBODY!”, challenged the GREATEST ORC WHO EVER LIVED. ' ' 35. “Why are ya' wearin' so much armor? I thought Orcs traditionally fought in stained loincloths and leather harnesses? Did ya' lose your stained loincloth? Were it stolen from ya'?” asked yet another stunted individual. ' ' 36. “The strongest weapon in an Orc's arsenal is FEAR, and though Mordrok looks impressive in rags one cannot lead an army with SEX APPEAL alone. Thus the black.” so teacheth Mordrok, who we know to also be the God of Sex Appeal. ' ' 37. “Who would win in a fight between Kurgrum and Mordrok?”, asked a plebeian, in the final question allowed by His Excellency. 38. “The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object”, sayeth Mordrok, in a rare display of his unfathomable modesty.